The Third Parent Read online

  I lowered the phone. My fingers drummed against the steering wheel. Huh. What could this be about? She sounded like herself. Apologetically to the point. I expected some kind of emotional rise but was relieved to find none.

  “Screw it,” I mumbled.

  I dialed her number and waited anxiously as the line rang. She answered almost instantly.

  “Jack?”

  “Hey,” I said lamely, “what’s up? I got your message.”

  “Yeah, sorry about that. I know it sounded kind of cryptic.”

  “You don’t have to apologize.”

  “Um,” she sounded unsure now like she hadn’t expected me to actually call her, “I was wondering if we could meet up somewhere. Soon. I want to talk to you about something. It’s important.”

  I felt uncertainty bleed into my head. “Jesus Liz, you sound so serious. Did someone die?”

  “No, no, nothing like that,” she laughed. “Everything is fine. I promise.”

  “What are you doing tonight?” I asked.

  “Uh, nothing…”

  I shifted the phone to my other ear. “I can swing by your place tonight if you’d like. I’m not doing anything later. Is that ok?”

  “Yeah, that’d be great,” she said. “I’ll text you my address. I’ve moved since we last…well…since we broke up.”

  “You sure everything is ok?”

  “I swear, Jack. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

  “Cool. Send me that address and I’ll be there around seven?”

  “Perfect. Thank you so much. This means a lot to me.”

  “Yeah, no worries. See you tonight.”

  “Bye, Jack.”

  I exhaled and tossed the phone onto the passenger’s seat. That had been relatively painless, though the conversation didn’t exactly satiate my curiosity. Waiting wasn’t exactly my strong suit.

  I turned onto my street and stuffed a cigarette between my lips. I parked in my space and lit it, taking a moment to just breathe. Smoke filled the car as I contemplated my decision. Upon closer examination, I realized with some guilt that I wanted to fuck Liz tonight. Maybe that’s what this was about? Maybe she missed me and wanted to reignite our relationship? What better way to do that than make up three years of lost time with hours of great sex? I chuckled to myself. Wishful thinking.

  I opened the car door, venting smoke from my nose. The sounds of the city rose around me as I went to my apartment and climbed to my floor, ashing on the hardwood as I went.

  I had a couple hours to kill before I left again. I felt useless and kind of pathetic, standing in my nearly empty apartment, trying to conjure some semblance of entertainment. I settled on the TV, like most of us do, and plopped myself down on the couch.

  The day felt eternal as I chain-smoked and watched TV. There wasn’t anything good on. Never was. But I dutifully watched it just the same, knowing that each minute I murdered was another minute closer to seeing Liz again. At some point, she sent me a text with her address. I looked it up and saw she was about thirty minutes outside the city now. I wondered why she had moved out? A job? A guy?

  Jesus, I hadn’t even thought of that. What if she had a boyfriend? Or even worse…what if she was married? I groaned, cursing myself. Please don’t be married. A boyfriend I could work around, but a ring? No getting around that circle of gold.

  As it got closer to seven, I began to pace. The TV droned on in the background but I was mostly ignoring it now. My mouth felt gross, a pained, smoke splattered ruin, but I continued to puff away. There was nothing else to do. I went to the fridge and dug out a beer. I drained it in three gulps and denied myself a second. I didn’t want to start down that road right now. Not tonight. Maybe later depending on how things went with Liz.

  When the analog clock was fully erect, I decided to take a shower and change clothes. I did this with hurried anticipation, a nagging urge poking at my imagination. I stepped out of the shower, dripping wet, and stared into the mirror for a moment. For the first time in ages, I wasn’t repulsed.

  I dressed and soon found myself speeding for Liz’s place. I rolled down the windows as I reached the city limits, the comfortable breeze calming my nerves. I wanted to smoke but decided against it. I didn’t want to show up reeking of cigs. She had never liked that, my smoking.

  Rolling hills grew around me, a congregation of peace and stillness that paired beautifully with the setting sun. Colors ebbed from the distant horizon and the earth reflected it back with stunning simplicity. I found myself absorbed by it all, the purples and pinks, the smell of grass and hay, the wind ruffling my hair as I zoomed down the empty roads. I needed to get out here more. Maybe I would if Liz wanted to—

  No, I had to stop thinking like that. This wasn’t about that. And if it was then I had to play it cool. Eagerness is always a turn-off. Right? Fuck, I wanted a cigarette.

  Finally, mercifully, I reached her road and turned down it. A distant patch of woods loomed in the distance and I headed for it, checking my phone. Yes, this was the right way. Did she own a house now? Wouldn’t that be something?

  Turns out, she did. I pulled into a driveway, feeling slightly surprised. It was a one-story house, modest, small, but simple in a good way. It was backed by the woods, a wall of swaying trees. A plot of endless grass stretched out before it, broken only by the slice of the road leading past it.

  I looked around for neighboring houses but found none. A single resident in this vast expanse of beauty. It almost seemed a waste. Closing my car door, I walked up the driveway and felt my stomach tingling. Here we go. I ran a hand through my hair, smoothing it, and straightened my shirt.

  Liz opened the door before I could even reach it. She stepped out onto the meager front stoop and smiled, giving me a little wave.

  “Hey, stranger.”

  My heart did a little flip and I returned her wave. “Hey, yourself.” She looked gorgeous. Her honey blonde hair spilled across her shoulders like summer silk. Her brown eyes sparkled in the sun, almost turning them yellow. She had stayed in great shape as well, her jeans and T-shirt hugging her frame in ways that made me lust for her on sight.

  “You look fantastic,” I said, approaching her. She smiled apprehensively and hugged me when I reached her. I breathed in her scent and a world of memory returned with it.

  “So do you,” she said, pulling away, looking up at me.

  “It’s been a while,” I said, shoving my hands in my pockets, suddenly awkward.

  “I know,” she said, slowly, but still smiling, “I’m glad you came. Come on, let’s go inside. Do you want a beer?”

  “Would love one. Please.”

  She looked at me for a moment like she was appraising me and then we went inside. The interior of the house was pleasant and simple. Earthy colors dominated the space, accompanied by simple furniture kept in an orderly fashion. The house was clean and well kept and smelled slightly of unseen candles.

  I followed her into the kitchen, heart racing a little faster than I would have liked, and asked her, “How do you afford a place like this? If you don’t mind me asking…”

  She went to the fridge and pulled out a pair of beers. “I know this probably seems strange. What’s a girl like me doing all the way out here?” She popped the tops off and handed me a chilled bottle. “My father helps out a little bit. You remember him right? Of course, you do. But I do pretty well on my own. I teach at the elementary school a couple miles away and it pays the bills. During the months I can’t quite swing it, my dad is always quick with the checkbook. I’m not proud of it, but I’ve learned to live with his generosity.”

  “I like it,” I said, sipping my beer, eyes roaming around the kitchen. “It’s beautiful out here in the country. I don’t leave the city much, but the drive out convinced me I should.”

  “It keeps me away from distractions,” Liz said. “Keeps me focused on what’s important.”

  “And what would that be?” I asked, flirting a little.


  She gave me a nervous smile and took a long swig from her beer. Setting it down, she eyed me. “I’ll show you.”

  Curious, I watched her leave the kitchen and disappear around the corner. I exhaled slowly and forced myself to relax. A mountain of possibility towered over my imagination and I tried to ignore its glorious summit. I drank more beer and waited.

  A couple seconds later, Liz returned.

  And in her arms, she held a child. A little boy.

  My heart sank and time seemed to freeze. Of all the possible outcomes, this was not what I had expected. I kept my mouth closed and let the shock settle over me. A kid. Ok…wow…

  The boy looked to be about two or three years old, his baby fat still clinging to his rosy cheeks. He smiled at me and a smattering of tiny teeth rose out of his innocent grin. His eyes were large and brown, shining with fresh life and intrigue. His hair was short and matched the color of his eyes. He pointed at me and said something I couldn’t understand.

  “I think he likes you,” Liz said, blushing. “Say hi! Say ‘Hi Jack’!”

  The child buried his face in Liz’s shoulder, clearly embarrassed. Liz laughed nervously.

  “You look surprised,” Liz said, hefting the boy, Mason, on her hip. “I know it’s probably not what you were expecting. Sorry to spring this on you.”

  I searched for words, but couldn’t seem to find any. Liz had a…a kid? I was having a terrible time trying to wrap my head around that, the sight of my former girlfriend bouncing a baby on her arm. Jesus.

  “Jack?”

  I blinked, shaking my head. “C-congrats!” I said weakly, “wow…I had no idea. That’s great.”

  Liz lowered her eyes, “I know this is probably so weird for you.”

  “Naw, it’s cool,” I said, hoping the lie stuck. “I mean, I’m happy for you. He’s a cute kid.” I twiddled my fingers at Mason but he quickly shoved his face back into his mom’s shirt.

  Liz looked at me and there was a heaviness to her gaze.

  I shifted uncomfortably, “What’s that look for?”

  “I wish there was a better way to do this…” she said quietly.

  I ran my fingers around the neck of my beer, something turning in my stomach “What do you mean? What’s going on?”

  “Jack…” she started, her voice grave.

  My eyes widened and I suddenly understood what this was all about. My knuckles whitened against the bottle and I felt the pit of my stomach give out. No, no, no, please don’t say it, don’t say those words…

  “Jack…he’s yours,” Liz said softly.

  I gripped the counter and clenched my jaw. A pattern of darkness swirled around the corners of my vision. Dizziness rocked me and I felt like a wrecking ball had connected with my chest. My throat went dry and I swallowed hard, my saliva slicing like razor blades.

  “Jack…?” Liz asked, stepping forward, her face riddled with concern.

  I raised my hand. “Don’t…don’t come near me.”

  Now her concern bloomed into worry. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know how to tell you.”

  I was shaking my head, unhinging my jaw. “What the hell is this all about…? Why are you telling me this?”

  Liz’s eyes went moist. “I’m sorry, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and…and thought that if I were you…then…then I would want to know.”

  I jammed my finger onto the countertop, voice suddenly dark and confused. “That is not my kid.”

  Her eyes went wide. “Yes, Jack…yes it is. I got pregnant just a couple weeks before we broke up. I didn’t even realize it until after the split. And at that point…I figured I’d deal with it on my own. You have no idea what I’ve gone through. What I suffered during the pregnancy.”

  I stepped towards her, teeth bared. “Oh don’t talk to me about suffering, Liz.”

  Mason began to notice his mother’s mood and I saw sadness paint his face. He stuck his bottom lip out and began to whimper. Christ…he did kind of look like me…

  “Why are you acting like this?” Liz pleaded.

  “Why!?” I yelled, fighting an onslaught of fear and impending responsibility, “WHY!? Because you fucking left me three years ago and then call me out of the blue to tell me I have a CHILD!”

  “I’m sorry!” Liz cried again, a few tears escaping now. “I just wanted you to know! I thought you’d want to KNOW!”

  I gripped my beer bottle and threw it against the wall, an explosion of anger and terror erupting in my mind like a land mine. “Jesus FUCK!”

  Mason began to cry, a pathetic sobbing that stuttered my rage. Liz looked at him apologetically and stroked his face, trying to calm him.

  “I can’t believe you,” I said, seething. “I can’t believe you’d…you’d DO this…”

  Liz looked up at me, her face flush and wet. “What are you talking about? What was I supposed to do?”

  I threw my hands up. “Abort the fucking thing! Get rid of it! Goddamn it, Liz, I am NOT a father!”

  “I’m not fucking asking you to be one!” Liz screamed suddenly. “I don’t want anything from you, Jack! Jesus Christ, how could you say something like that?”

  I shook my head, losing my mind. “Oh piss off!”

  She clutched the crying child to her chest “I’ve thought about you these past three years. I’ve thought a lot about you. It’s hard not to when I’m raising your—our—child! But you know what, Jack? I made the right choice. You were a terrible boyfriend and I’m horrified to think of you as a father. I was just trying to do the right thing. I don’t want money, I don’t want your help raising him, I simply wanted to do what was best. What was right.”

  “Well do you feel better now!?” I yelled, shaking with anger and growing fear. “Maybe if you had taken your goddamn birth control like I kept telling you to—”

  “Stop it!” Liz screamed, trembling. Mason was wailing now, but Liz stepped toward me. “Just shut up! Clearly, this was a mistake and I regret ever calling you! So get out of here! I don’t need you here, I don’t want you here, we’re doing just fine without YOU! So crawl back to the city and your pathetic life! Just forget about us and go back to living like the sad, selfish bastard you are!”

  Ice filled my veins and a sudden calm washed through me.

  I towered over Liz, voice crunching like gravel. “Careful.”

  Liz took a step back, obviously surprised by my sudden aggression. She held Mason to her chest and pointed to the door.

  “Get out of my house! GO!”

  I took one last look at them and then left, head full of fire and fury. I slammed the door behind me, the world rocking. The moon rose in the distance, fighting back the retreating sun, now just a sliver on the horizon. I stormed to my car, ears filling with the sounds of growing night.

  “What the FUCK!?” I screamed, slamming my fist into the door. The shock was burning bright inside of me and I felt its sickening, terrifying warmth spread to all aspects of my life. A kid…I had a kid. Jesus CHRIST.

  You’re a father, I suddenly thought and had to steady myself against the car. I closed my eyes and inhaled. Slowly, I released the air from my lungs and forced myself to calm down. Sparks danced behind my eyelids and I willed them to leave. Instead of getting into my car, I slumped down in the driveway and leaned against it, staring at the front door.

  How could this possibly happen?

  I reached into my jacket and retrieved a much-needed cigarette. I lit it and sucked down the nicotine desperately. I felt like a revelation about the world had just been revealed to me, altering the course of my existence forever. In a way…that’s exactly what had happened. I closed my eyes again and pressed my palms into them.

  What the hell was I going to do…?

  I looked up at the house again, trying to force pieces into place. The kid…Mason…he looked about the right age. He looked like me. Could he actually be mine? I took another drag and shook my head. Of course, he was. I could see it in his eyes. My eyes.

&n
bsp; “Oh, shit…” I said miserably, rolling my head back to look at the sky. “Oh shit, I messed up…”

  But why had Liz waited so long to call me? To tell me? I contemplated that for a moment and realized what an asshole I was. We had only dated for six months before she had broken up with me. Why would she tell me about the pregnancy? What reason would that serve? She had always been close to her parents; she didn’t need me. Obviously, she didn’t want me. And why would she? I had been a mess in those days, an angry, depressed maniac.

  Yeah, you’ve really changed, I thought, suddenly growing depressed.

  Jack…he’s yours.

  “Oh, God…” I whispered, covering my face, “oh my God, I’m such an asshole.”

  I had the sudden urge to go back inside but didn’t dare. Not yet at least. Let her settle the baby. Let her anger ebb a little. I didn’t know what I was going to say, but my knee-jerk reaction left me feeling sick. Christ, why was I such a dick? Why couldn’t I just be rational about things like every other adult? Why did I have to be the exception, the black sheep, the royal fuck up? Why couldn’t I just pull my shit together?

  Hating myself, I smoked another cigarette. I imagined Liz inside, cursing me, trying to soothe her little boy. Our little boy. I waited a couple minutes, stubbed out my butt, and pulled myself up with a groan. I raised my eyes to the heavens and let out a long breath.

  I walked back to the front door and gave it a timid knock. I could hear Mason inside still crying. I winced. I knocked again, louder this time. My heart jumped when Liz opened the door, her face a mess of tears and anger.

  “What!?” she demanded, still soothing Mason who looked distraught and confused. I could relate.

  “I-I’m sorry,” I stammered, “I shouldn’t have said those things. I’m a complete asshole and I want to apologize.”

  Liz shook her head. “I don’t know what I expected.”

  “I know,” I said sadly, “I really am sorry. This is just so…unexpected and scary for me. You think we can talk about it? I promise to behave now.”

  Liz stroked Mason’s cheek and his sobs finally subsided. “Not tonight, Jack. I just can’t. I need to settle Mason down and feed him. Maybe tomorrow. Right now I just want to be alone with my son.”